We are at a turning point a precipice. There is no going back. We can fight, struggle, and kick and scream trying to hold onto the life we had—the old way of doing things. But it is like trying to put back together a structure that is in lots of pieces. There is no “normal” now. If the global and personal circumstances brought to the surface by Co-vid 19 haven’t shaken up the cob-webs, unsettled the status quo, and awoken the sleeping giant I am not sure what will. For anyone who has experienced this disturbance in any degree, there are three absolutely essential characteristics that you will not be able to thrive in the “new world” without.
1. Becoming Comfortable With The Previously Uncomfortable.
Humans have this innate protective mechanism that dislikes the unfamiliar and abhors pain. The evolved human nervous system seems to be solely designed to protect and preserve itself. The reflexive tendency to contract, close off and activate the neurophysiological mechanism of “defend and attack” is deeply wired in us.
What happens when there is a traffic jam and you have to drive a different way home? When one of your children drops a glass plate on your foot and it shatters leaving a big bruise and a huge mess? What about when the power goes out, the internet stops working, or you can’t find your wallet or keys? And what about when you look at your naked body in the mirror after a shower and can’t even stare for a moment without feeling shame, disgust grief? What discomfort surfaces when you keep getting bills in the mail and don’t have the heart to look at your bank account to see how much is left?
As you awaken more and more emotions, memories, and fears you stored up for so long will all begin to come to your awareness to be released. Will you metaphorically “run” from them? Will you emotionally shut down as a result?
One of the greatest and most needed qualities of the awakening soul is not being afraid of pain in any form and actually beginning to tolerate and appreciate the unknown. Physical, emotional, financial, spiritual, familial, social, and all sorts of personal hurts stored in your cellular structure will all rise to the surface of your awareness to be cleared. You will have plenty of opportunities to end the cycles of pain and dis-ease you have endured so far in your life simply by being ok with the discomfort you feel talking about them, hearing about them, and re-visiting them. What if you took a big long deep breath and began to say: “Pain doesn’t bother me.” “Neither does uncertainty or change.” “I love and accept change and choose to embrace it.”
2. Detaching Completely From Results
This one was (often still is) a hard one for me. We are very much conditioned as a society and culture to be results-oriented. I have always been particularly so as are many of my peers. We are constantly judging ourselves and others based on performance and results, often along a very rigid timeline as well. This all stems from a compulsive need to try and “control” things in our life. While we may think it is helpful, and often even a sign of superior discipline and effort, to obsess about the achievement of a specific goal, more often than not, it is very much counterproductive. Why? Because our brain only notices the absence of what we want and creates resistance in the form of a psychological, emotional, and physiological stress response. And it will keep reminding us we don’t have it and show us more and more of what we don’t have and what else we lack.
It has taken a lot of subconscious training to help me learn to let go of my own tendency to “force” a result or try to “make it happen.” In a very real energetic way, the more we hope for, pray for, or become consumed in a certain outcome the more we ensure its perpetual absence. This sounds like extreme nonsense to one who does not recognize the infinite breadth of the world of energy which is the source of all creation. Nonattachment to the outcome is key to becoming free from the tethering to the recurring dream or nightmare. So long as you are emotionally invested in a specific outcome, you have laid the groundwork for your continued imprisonment.
What is the alternative? Can you get to the point where life is so good RIGHT NOW you don’t even care about any result or outcome? Knowing what you want (and, actually believing and perceiving that you already have it—another topic of discussion for another day) and maintaining a disposition of nonjudgmental receptivity is where all the magic of creation happens in the new world. There will be no need for traditional “goal setting” or even goal planning when you live from this level of nonattachment.
3. You Need a Whole New Level of Self-Compassion and Self-Love
This one seems obvious, right? Well, it really is the foundational quality of all these other qualities and perhaps the most needed of all. It sounds selfish though, doesn’t it? The philosophy of the “old” world is to love “God” first, neighbor second, and self last. And most often only when, and if, certain results, commandments, and accomplishments are met first. Not only is this a complete misunderstanding of the original scriptural injunction but it is SO damaging. It has created a culture of true self-neglect which has led to suffering, pain, and disconnection popping up as every symptom from physical illness to addiction and everything in between. The love you seek, the love you need, the love you are wired to not be able to live without is not from anyone or anything outside of you. It can only come from you. No amount of outer validation, acceptance, and love can ever fill the void and make up for the lack or absence of complete, total, and unconditioned inner self-love and acceptance.
Experiencing in yourself greater gentleness, kindness, patience becoming passionately self-soothing. Yet not afraid to ask hard questions and begin to softly approach the “issues” festering beneath the surface. Treating symptoms will no longer suffice. The time is perfect now to begin the excavation. The time to end the war with yourself and declare a peace treaty once and for all.