We all do it: we think things about other people throughout the day and judge them without knowing them. Most of the time these thoughts come and go in a split second without us even really noticing them. It is totally normal, common, and even expected in our society. We are raised to compare ourselves to others. It helps us know where we stand and how we should feel about ourselves, at least that is what we are led to believe. But just because something is “normal” or popular, doesn’t mean that it is right. To give you an idea of what I mean by passing judgments, think about this….
Have you ever had any of the following kinds of fleeting thoughts?
You walk into Walmart and see the people that look like they just got out of bed and didn’t bother to change out of their pajamas and think something like, “Whoa, you need to go home, shower, and put on some real clothes. Gross.”
You enter a restaurant with a buffet and see several obese people passing by with their plates overflowing and you suddenly feel disgusting and worry about looking like them if you continue to eat there.
You go to the beach and can’t help looking at the women who look perfect in bikinis and feeling resentful that you can’t look like that.
You see the gorgeous looking young man walking down the street with the beautiful blonde holding his hand and think, “Some people have all the luck.”
You see the young mom walking down the street pushing her cute, precious baby and think “how dare you flaunt your happiness in front of me, don’t you know I can’t get pregnant?”
You see some rich guy driving past in a very expensive car and think, “Money is wasted on the wrong people” or “Ugh, I hate it when people show off.”
These are just a few examples of a common thing that happens in each of our minds on a regular basis. Most of the time we don’t even recognize that it is happening and we just move on with our lives. Sometimes we let those thoughts fester and become huge piles of resentment and jealousy. (for more on this, read: Do You Play the Body Comparison Game?)
Either way, having these negative thoughts is unhealthy and harmful to our overall well-being and success. Let me explain why.
What We Think About Expands
Have you ever heard the expression, “Energy Flows Where Attention Goes”? It is a simple law of the universe (part of the law of attraction, which you can read more about here: What is the Law of Attraction?). What we think about and focus on is going to expand, or become bigger in our lives. This means that when we have those passing negative judgmental observations about strangers or even loved ones, more of our energy and focus is going toward that subject than we really want. Those “bad” things that we think about other people are becoming more prominent in ourselves.
For example, I have had a huge insecurity with my weight for most of my adult life. I have struggled with both thoughts of disgust and resentment towards people that didn’t take care of their bodies and were obese; and with thoughts of jealousy and resentment towards those skinny people that can eat whatever they want and never seem to gain weight. I have caught myself feeling gross around lots of fat people and embarrassed around skinny people. I have felt both jealousy and disrespect for people that I have never met and who certainly don’t deserve my misjudgments. Since most of our thoughts are happening without us even knowing, our passing judgments can actually prevent us form achieving our dreams.
Does Seeing the Flaws in Others Do Us Any Good?
Instead of loving those people for who they are and feeling happy for them regardless of their looks or size, I have placed ill will, anger, or unkind thoughts in my mind. Those thoughts then bring an energy or vibration to me that attracts more of those things into my life.
When I focus on the fat on someone else, my own fat expands. When I focus on how jealous I am of someone else’s perfect body, I attract more reasons to feel jealous, and more feelings of insecurity. When I feel resentful towards someone that makes more money or has a “carefree” lifestyle I want, I can never attract that kind of wealth into my life. By feeling angry about someone else having what I want, I basically put up a wall between myself and that thing. That is how the law of attraction works. That is what I mean when I say that what we focus on expands.
The Real Problem is Buried Deep Inside
When it comes to our thoughts, scientists like Dr. Joe Dispenza and Bruce Lipton teach that we are only aware of around 5% of what we are thinking throughout the day. The rest of the time, it is our subconscious mind calling all the shots. We will discuss this more in a future post.
If you are at all curious as to what subconscious thoughts you might have that block your success, we’ve created something for you. Take this quiz to see if you have been unconsciously body shaming yourself and others, and what to do about it:
What To Do About It:
So how do we combat these negative thoughts? It is so common and frequent that we couldn’t possibly change, right? That’s what I thought for a while, but now I find myself getting better and better. With a few simple steps, you too can replace judgments with kindness. Doing so will free you to experience your wildest dreams coming true.
The first step in getting rid of these thoughts and placing our energy where we don’t want it to go, is to recognize when we do it. Too many of us are living on auto-pilot and have little idea of what we are thinking or feeling every day. When we start to become more mindful and pay attention to what we are thinking and our emotions about it, we can begin to replace the bad with the good. We can catch ourselves “in the act” of thinking a bad thought and change it in an instant.
Even after months of knowing this, I still feel delighted when I walk by an obese person and can now turn my head and think nothing rather than indulging in judgment. I am even more thrilled when I can look at then and find the positive. We can become super sleuths in our own lives by always being on the look-out of what is entering the stage of our minds. When we notice an unwanted character, we have the power to take them off the scene and replace them with kind and beautiful thoughts, or to just not give them any attention at all.
When we start to become more mindful of when we have those negative passing judgmental thoughts about other people, we can start to focus on things that we really like rather than what we don’t like. Instead of noticing a person’s weight, maybe you can focus on the funny saying on their t-shirt or the cute shoes they are wearing. Every person we meet has something worthwhile and worth noticing. If we give them a chance, we will always find it. If that is too hard for you to do, then simply turn your head and immediately find something else to think about. Don’t give any attention or energy away to the things that you do not want.
Replace Negative Judgments With Positive
Think about the things that you find attractive and great about other people and start focusing on those things. When we can turn our resentment and jealousy into love and happiness for others, we will start attracting the things that we want most in life. We will also help those people to feel more love, and who doesn’t want that?
So, the next time you pass a stranger, look for the good. Evaluate what you really want in life and try to only focus on those things. Give your thoughts, attention, and energy to the things that you love and you will soon find that you do not have room or need to find fault with anyone or anything in your life. This practice will not only bring great satisfaction to your life, but also great success. Before you know it, you’ll be attracting the things that you really want into your life!